what it's like to make a job offer

One of my favorite parts of my job is making job offers. It's a great feeling to call someone up and offer them a job that you know they really want.

Most candidates, when receiving a job offer, fall into one of these five categories:
- the excited freak-out
- the pro-forma delay
- the play-it-cool
- the sucker-punch
- the unexpected refusal

Over at U.S. News & World Report today, I explain each of these categories and which I like best. Please head over there and check it out!

laid off and then asked back

A reader writes:

I was laid off after working 2.5 years with a company I adored. I was devastated. I kept in contact with coworkers and was persistent about letting my Branch Manager know of my desire to come back.

Finally I landed a new job. But, 3 days later, my Branch Manager gave me an offer. I REALLY don't know what to do, stay or go.

I have tried to weigh the pros and cons in going back to my old company. Pro: It was a part of my life, I adored the company and I have the chance to return. A position I finally could be proud of proving my dedication and productivity. Con: fear/stability, I ask myself are they going to lay me off again? If so, I've lost my new job too and thus am unemployed again.

For new position I just accepted, the pros are that they are a stable company, in business for years, no competition. The cons here are: high expectancy of having 5 demands to complete at once whilst receiving 5 more, resulting in massive reaming. I can't do 5 things at once...sorry... (I'm not one that enjoys "reaming" and I don't have it in me to "give it back as it's dished out to me.")

Bottom line... Go back to the job I loved and take the chance of getting laid off or the company going belly up? Or stay at new employment and take the chance of being let go or leaving because of frustration?

If this were me, here are the factors I'd base my decision on:

* What's going on with your old company financially? It's reasonable to ask them what's changed since they laid you off. If you leave a new job to return to them, are they willing to guarantee you (in writing) that you won't be laid off again over the next, say, two years?

* What are your chances of success at your new job, the one you're currently at? Based on what you wrote, it sounds like it might not be a good fit for you ... and maybe that you might not be a good fit for them. If you think their demands are unreasonable, there are two things that could be going on: (1) they're unrealistic, or (2) they're not unrealistic; it's a company that strives to be exceptional and thus looks for employees who can and will work at a faster pace than what you were used to at your old company. If it's #1 and they've been operating that way for a while, they're unlikely to change. If it's #2 and you prefer a different pace, they will expect you to adjust or you may eventually lose the job. So you need to be brutally honest with yourself about whether this job is right for you.

Based solely on your letter (which obviously can't give me all the relevant details), I hear alarm bells about your fit at your current job. So at a minimum, please explore those as part of your decision.

Good luck!

accepted offer, then backed out, now wants back in

A reader writes:

I applied for two jobs. I accepted the first job and then declined the offer and accepted the other. The one I accepted was closer to home and every other Monday I would have off. Unfortunately, the other job did not offer this.

Now I feel as though I should have taken the other job because I am not happy. I have to deal with a person who has a serious attitude. At first I thought it was me, but people were telling me that this has been going on before I got here, and it seems unfair to me to come into a situation like this. The staff tells me to hang in there – she is looking for another job, but this has been going on before I got here and I have only been here for one month.

I am ready to call the other company and see if the job is still available and see if they would take me back. The job is not what I anticipated. What should I do?

Seriously? The other employer isn't going to re-extend their offer to you. Let's review: You accepted an offer from the first company and then later reneged because you thought you had a better offer. When you accepted that first offer, the company cut loose their other applicants and started putting time and money into preparing for you. When you then decided to back out, you did what's called "screwing them over." I can pretty much guarantee that you're blacklisted with them at this point.

Of course they won't accept you back. And why should they, when you've shown you'll walk away at the slightest hint of a better offer, before you've even started?

What if this company had made you an offer, you had quit your job in preparation, and then they called you back and told you that they'd changed their mind because they found a candidate they liked better? (And yes, I know that occasionally some unprofessional company does this. It's just as jerky when the employer does it. It's jerky regardless.)

Frankly, my advice is to stick it out where you are. Not only should you not try appealing to the first company, but you shouldn't start looking for other jobs either, since you're only one month into your current position. Otherwise instead of having one black mark against you in your industry, you'll have two -- one for reneging on a job acceptance and one for quitting just a few months in.

I'm sorry to sound harsh, but your letter reeks of self-entitlement and a lack of understanding of the commitment you make when you accept a job. Eventually that kind of behavior will harm you professionally, if it hasn't already. Cut it out.

how to juggle a job offer when you're waiting for another

A job offer is usually welcome -- unless it comes while you're waiting for the one you really want. How long can you put off the first company while waiting to hear from another, and what are the ethics involved in taking the first offer only to rescind your acceptance later? Head on over to U.S. News & Weekly Report, where my post today addresses these questions -- and as always, please leave your own thoughts in the comments over there.

declining after verbally accepting a job offer

A reader writes:

I was job hunting two months ago and received two job offers. I took the offer with Company A and told Company B that I would take the offer from company A. Well, one month into my new job with Company A, I thought the job was not really what I wanted and I regret my decision turning down's Company B's offer. Then I called Company B asking whether its position is still available. Company B said it is and asked whether I would reconsider. I said Yes and verbally accepted Company B offer over the phone. Now I have Company B's offer in writing and they are waiting for my confirmation.

Now I think I might have made a huge mistake to call Company B – I'm realizing that my first month feeling with Company A is just typical new job anxiety and the job is not really bad. And I more strongly feel that it is very inappropriate and unethical to leave Company A after just one month in the job. The industry I work for is pretty tight and people talk – a lot of them know each other.

I must have screwed up and don't know what to do. Please help!

I think all you can really do is apologize profusely to Company B. Explain that you've agonized over this, but you've concluded that you can't leave Company A in the lurch after such a short time and that you need to rescind your acceptance. Make sure you acknowledge the inconvenience you've caused for Company B and be as profuse in your apology as you can.

The good news is that if Company B is smart, they were waiting to cut loose other candidates until they received your written confirmation anyway, so hopefully the damage isn't as bad as it could have otherwise been.

One other thing: You mentioned that your industry is tight-knit and people talk. It would be bad if your current company heard through the grapevine that you'd been on the verge of accepting an offer from Company B after only one month. So you should probably find ways (unconnected to this) to let your current company know that you're happy there and wanting to stay for the long haul; that way, if they do hear rumors, they'll be less inclined to assume the worst.

abusive interviewer extends job offer

This letter from a reader is long but worth it:

My career experience has mostly been in the military, but I have recently completed a college degree in physics with a minor in education after stopping work to stay at home with my daughter. Currently, I am working as a high school science teacher, but I’m not happy with this career. Over the past 6 months, I have been sending out my resume to companies that are hiring entry level engineers.

I’ve been looking to make sense of what happened during a recent interview that resulted in a job offer. I submitted my resume and went through a large company’s application process to end up with an in-person interview, which was great. After the 10 minute interview with the HR director, who told me that I would interview with two supervisors in the department who were looking to fill four different jobs at varying levels, I was picked up by one of the department supervisors I was to interview with (I’ll call him Joe), and we went for a 50 minute tour of the workplace. During the tour, Joe was asking interview questions, and he seemed like a knowledgeable and reasonable person to work for. I really liked Joe. We discussed the positions he had to offer and how those positions related to my experiences and education. Although Joe’s job openings were entry level engineering and below, I was still interested in accepting one of those positions if they were offered. After all, I am looking to change careers, and I’m expecting to pay my dues to make this happen.

Next, Joe told me that we would meet with the supervisor (we’ll call him Jerry), who had a higher level engineering position open. After arriving at Jerry’s office, Jerry began to interview me. During the interview, Jerry asked me what sort of job I am looking for. Upon hearing my answer, he told me that his job opening is not for me. Jerry went further by stating that he really didn’t understand why I had applied for a position in that department because none of their work had anything to do with my background or education. At first, I thought Jerry was just asking the question to see if I could relate their work to my experience and education, which is quite straightforward. I have no problem relating my experience and physics education to the type of engineering practiced in that department, so I politely told Jerry how I felt my experience and background fit with that department’s mission and work. Upon hearing this, Jerry told me that he took a physics class once and failed, so he didn’t see how physics had anything to do with engineering. I explained where I felt physics and engineering meet and how an education and laboratory research experience in physics has helped develop my critical thinking and problem solving skills regardless of the problem set before me. Jerry continued with his mantra that physics has nothing to do with engineering and this is not the job for me.

As Jerry wrapped up his end of the interview, he commented about my current job as a teacher. He told me that his wife is a teacher, and only lazy people teach. I had to work hard to keep my jaw from hitting the floor on that comment. Jerry said that his wife only teaches because she has the summer off, and that certainly would not happen in this company. I told Jerry that I am well aware that the rest of the work force does not have the summer off or even more than one week of vacation for most people. Again, Jerry simply responded by telling me that the job is not for me.

The interview ended with Jerry asking me if I would rather work for him or Joe. There was no way I was touching that one with a ten foot pole, but I did have to say something. If I told Jerry that I would rather stick with a job I can’t stand than work for him, then I would have disqualified myself from all four job openings. Jerry, Joe, and the employees they supervise work on the same floor of the same small building, so I would have to see Jerry and work around him daily. I concluded by stating that I felt that I could work with either of them because I enjoy working with and get along with others. When problem solving, another person’s perspective can stimulate new and interesting solutions. I really expected Jerry to tell me that the job is not for me one more time just to jam his point across.

One month later, I received a call from HR offering me an engineering position for quite a bit more money than I expected. This was two weeks after Jerry had claimed he wanted his new employee to start. Not even thinking about the possibility that I was being offered the job with Jerry, I verbally accepted the job offer. I was told that I still had to electronically sign the contract after reviewing the terms of employment. While sitting at the computer reading through the contract, it occurred to me that I might actually end up working for Jerry. I called HR back to inquire as to who was to be my supervisor. To my dread, she said Jerry. I confessed to the HR rep that, although I was grateful and excited about the job offer, I did not understand why Jerry wanted to hire me because he told me that this job was not for me. Sally, the HR rep, proceeded to tell me how I qualified for the job because of my physics degree and that Joe thought my military electronics experience made me a perfect candidate for the job. She said nothing about why Jerry wanted to hire me. I questioned her about what Jerry thought because he really seemed to discourage me from proceeding through the employment screening process. She told me that she would ask Jerry and get back to me, but she did not. I even told her that I was on a time budget because the school was gearing up to present us with the next year’s teaching contracts. I really didn’t want to put my principal in the position of signing my contract and breaking it soon after. I like my current supervisor. I just don’t like my current career. I waited for one week, and my teaching contract for the next year was presented to me.

Having a definite job and only having a job offer that was not even through the screening process helped me choose to sign my teaching contract and decline the engineering job offer in writing. During the week that I waited for Sally to get back with me, I emailed and called her to inquire about the answer from Jerry and reiterated that my deadline for signing my teaching contract was rapidly approaching. The day after I declined the engineering offer, Sally from HR called and stated how Joe, not Jerry my prospective supervisor, thought I was perfect for the job. Sally said nothing about Jerry.

I am completely confused about how I was offered a job with Jerry in the first place. He made a point of telling me at least a dozen times that the job was not for me. I was certain that my interview with Jerry would not result in a job offer, at least not a job offer to work for Jerry. He told me that I am lazy. At one point, Jerry even asked me if I was dumb. How did those comments from him end up as a job offer one month later?

Secondly, I am not sure if I have burned my bridge with HR in this company. Sally from HR sounded really upset when she called and left her message after I declined the position. I haven’t heard from her since. Although I would never attempt to apply for another job with the same department in that company, I am interested in applying for engineering positions in other departments in the company. I was impressed with the company overall, and my college thesis laboratory research is directly related to work this company does. Would I just end up sending my resume to a black hole and wasting my efforts?

Jerry is one or both of the following:
1. a jerk
2. someone who believes in stress interviews

I tend to believe that #2 is often a subset of #1. A "stress interview" is where the interviewer deliberately acts uninterested or even hostile in order to find out how the candidate responds to stressful situations. Whether they should be used at all is up for debate, but if they are, they should only be used where it's relevant to the job at stake -- litigator, say, or air traffic controller. I don't believe in them at all, since I think there are other ways for a good interviewer to find out how a candidate handles stress, and they don't exactly do a lot to sell good candidates on the job.

To answer your first question, about how someone so rude to you ended up making you a job offer: If it was a stress interview, you apparently passed it. If Jerry is just a jerk, he likely treats lots of people this way and his treatment of you didn't have much connection to his actual opinion of your qualifications. Or Jerry hates everyone, but Joe pushed for you to be hired.

Regarding whether you have a chance with this company in the future, I think you certainly could, but you need to explain to Sally why you turned down the offer. Tell her that you got the strong sense in the interview that you and Jerry had very different communication styles and since Jerry told you multiple times that you weren't right for the job, you didn't think an offer to work with him was the right one for you. Explain, however, that you felt you clicked with Joe, that you are impressed with the company, and that you'd love the opportunity to work with them in the future.

Thoughts from anyone else?

regrets about turning down an offer

A reader writes:

In mid-June, I applied for a job with company A, and also one with company B at the end of June. Company B's interview process went much more quickly than A's, and B extended me an offer in late July. I turned down the offer because I felt I would've been happier at company A - much better rapport with the people I interviewed with, and a chance to gain experience in a new area - and thought my chances with company A were good.

Now it's 2 full weeks later and I have not heard back yet from company A. This is somewhat expected as the hiring person (the director of the program) seems to be very busy with her other responsibilities. After she extended me a second interview for example, it took about 2.5 weeks and a fair amount of follow up and persistence on my part before it was scheduled for mid-July. She keeps giving me dates of when things are expected to happen. For example, they expected to make a decision by end of July, but those deadlines are never met, thus causing me to need to follow up constantly. I did let her know about my job offer (no response), and continue to express my interest in working with her organization. She has given me her work cell phone, office phone, and email contact info and I have made use of all 3, but its been very difficult getting a hold of her. I have not been told that the position has been filled or that I am not in the running.

At this point, I'm starting to worry and regret my decision to turn down the offer from company B. I not sure if I would've been happy there but having a job and having financial security looks great right about now and much more important than happiness and whatever else I was holding out for. I feel that the hiring person from company A is very genuine and that she is truly swamped with other responsibilities. At the same time, I feel very frustrated and foolish to an extent for continuing to wait on them and investing so much effort into following up.

What do you think about this process? I have began searching for other openings already, and last week noticed that company B reposted the same position. I'm assuming that their second candidate did not work out either and am wondering if I should write to them and see if they'll re-extend the offer to me. What are the rules in regards to this? Truthfully, I am not sure if this would be the best environment for me especially in comparison to company A but I am at a point where I just want to be working already.

Juggling this sort of thing -- an offer from one company while you're waiting to hear from a different company you think you'd prefer -- is really tricky. My usual advice when that happens is to let the other company know that you've received an offer and ask them if there's a way to expedite their timeline, if they're interested in you. But you did this and got no response, so then what?

Here's what I can tell you, based on my own experience as a hiring manager. (As a disclaimer, the hiring manager at Company A may think entirely differently from me, so factor that in.) If a candidate is high on my list, I don't want to risk them accepting another offer. If a candidate who I was interested in told me that they had another job offer, there is zero chance that I would not get back to them. Generally, I would try to speed up our process, but if that weren't possible, I would at least explain to them what factors were holding things up on our side. So because she didn't respond to you, and continued not responding to your other attempts to contact her, unfortunately that indicates that it's likely that they're not seriously interested at this point, and you should move on. If they contact you at some point in the future, great. But don't make plans around it.

As for the position re-opening at Company B, you should consider this totally independently of the position at Company A. If you had never learned about the position at A, would the job at B interest you? If you don't believe the job at B is right for you, I'd keep looking. But if you think B could make you happy, absolutely call them up and tell them you'd like to re-submit yourself as a candidate for the position. Be prepared to explain what has changed since you turned down their offer and why you're now interested (it shouldn't just be "I need a job").

And of course, the lesson here is: Never, never, never count on a job offer until you actually have it in hand. Things change, other candidates come along, plans for the position evolve. Counting on an offer you don't yet have is the job equivalent of never making plans with your friends because you hope that cute boy might ask you out and you want to be free if he does ... but with much more serious repercussions.

old employer torpedoing new job offer

A reader writes:

My brother in-law, Ryan, has worked for his now-former company for a couple of years now. He began looking at changing careers and was recently offered a new job. This new job would be as a product representative for a company that is utilized by the same company he had been working for. He accepted his new offer and was very excited to start. However, the new job required that he start immediately, so he was unable to give notice to the former and he had to leave abruptly, not by his choice, but because he wanted the new job and it seemed a necessary evil.

His immediate supervisor wished him luck and understood the situation. The district manager, however, after hearing Ryan was leaving, took it upon himself to call Ryan's new employer to tell them he would not be welcome in the stores as a product rep, simply because he was upset that no notice was given. This was not a reference check, nor did the new company instigate contact. It was simply the district manager's attempt to submarine Ryan's new career. Upon hearing this, the job offer is in danger of being rescinded, post-acceptance, because "if he is not welcome in-store, he is of no use." Now, Ryan cannot go back and may effectively be unemployed because his former district manager decided to keep him from succeeding at his new job.

My question is whether this is legal or not, and what options he may have going forward as he will also have to explain this situation to every prospective employer should he not get this job, and his professional reputation may be tainted. Can you help?

Ugh, what a horrible situation. Yes, it's probably legal. Really jerky though.

If I were Ryan, I'd appeal to the immediate supervisor and ask him to intervene. Ryan should ask him to plead his case to the district manager and see if the damage can be undone. He should also speak with the new employer, explain that he gave no notice at their request, and ask them to work with him on finding a way to fix the situation.

I know it's of no help now, but always, always give notice. A company that refuses to understand that you need to give notice to your current employer is a company that is likely to be unreasonable in other ways too (as we're seeing now).

Update: A reader wrote to suggest that Ryan might have a legal case under tortious interference, which is a legal violation related to intentionally damaging someone's business relationships. My own reading (and I am not a lawyer) was that it doesn't apply here, because the old employer is within his rights to say that they won't deal with Ryan as a product rep because of the way his employment ended (again, a jerk, but within his rights). But I'm not a lawyer and if he's seriously interested in potential legal action, he should talk to one who specializes in employment law.

juggling job offers

A reader writes:

I have been job hunting for weeks and have not received job offers or interviews from the preferred employers whom I've applied to. Just when I thought that the road ahead seemed bleak, I received one job offer today, along with a second interview this Thursday and another first interview next Monday. As much as I am delighted at the change in situation, I am rather confused as I wish to make a wise and informed decision -- not taking an offer just because the salary package sounds appealing, but accepting one that is in line with my interests.

Anyway, I am neutral about the job offer as I would be more keen about the job that is interviewing me on Monday. Furthermore, the company interviewing me on Monday is my ex employer and I am familiar with the job scope. As for the company which offered me a second interview this Thursday, it seems to be a challenging environment but offers an attractive remuneration package.

Here are my questions: First, if the company that is granting me a second interview offers me the job on the spot, should I take it immediately, even though I am also keen on working for my ex employer(but the interview with my ex employer only falls on next Monday)?

Secondly, the interview panel for the session with my ex employer will involve 4 people from the upper management- 2 directors, 1 department assistant director and a HR assistant manager. Does this mean that it is likely that there will only be one round of interviews, given that the top management are already present in the first round of interview?

I'm quite confused and hope that you will be able to advise me on the matter.

I see why you're confused! Let's break this down.

Easy question first: The interview with your former employer might be one round only, or it could be more. It's fine to ask them that.

Harder question: how to juggle the offer you have with the two other positions you're interested in. What timeline did the company that made you an offer give you for giving them a decision? If this wasn't discussed, contact them immediately and say that you're extremely interested and want some time to think it over. Ask when they need to hear back from you by. You are hoping they will give you a couple of weeks, but that's unlikely; they're more likely to give you a week, maximum -- because they have other candidates on the line who they need to get back to. If they turn the question around and ask how long you need, you really don't want to ask for longer than a week; they'll start questioning your interest level.

Next, call or email the other two companies immediately. Tell them you are extremely interested in the position they have open but that you have an offer from another company that you need to give an answer to within a week. Tell them that an offer from them would likely be your first choice, but you're constricted by the timeline. Companies that are very interested in you will do what they can to move up the interview.

However, do be prepared for them to tell you that they (a) can't move up the interview because of schedule conflicts or (b) don't expect to be able to make an offer decision within a week. If that happens, then you have a hard decision on your hands. Are you willing to turn down the offer you have, without any guarantee that you'll get an offer from one of the other two companies?

What you cannot do is accept the offer you have, with the intention of going on the other interviews and backing out of the first job if you get another offer later. Not only is that a crappy thing to do to the first company (who will have turned their other candidates loose by that point), but you'd risk damaging your reputation in your industry, because people talk, and you never know when that will come back to haunt you. So the basic question before you is whether you're willing to end up with no job offers in order to see the process through with the other two companies.

The best case scenario is that the first company gives you more time for an answer, and the other two are willing to move quickly once you explain the situation to them. Good luck! Let us know what you decide to do.

gracefully turning down an offer

A reader writes:

I'm a programmer currently working on a contract basis, but have an invitation to move to a permanent position when the contract ends. It's a good company and good offer, but is missing two things: variety in projects I'd work on (they make only a few products, all related) and senior employees I could learn from, and so I will be turning down the offer and continuing to do contract work, which fits both my temperament and my career development path. However, I know I will eventually want to settle into a permanent position, and I could easily see myself returning to my current employers at that time.

My first question: Is this an okay explanation to give my manager for turning down the job? I plan on shortening it a bit and taking out what could be considered an insult to their other employees, but otherwise telling to whole truth.

My second question: What's an appropriate time table to do this? I'd like to give them as much time as possible to look for a replacement and transition my responsibilities to someone else, but don't want them to feel I gave the offer anything less than full consideration.

My third question: Is this an okay explanation to give potential future employers as to why I turned down the job? I would like to be able to tell people that I received an offer, but would then have to explain why I turned it down, especially since contracting will be more risk for, at best, a bit more money. Talking to potential employers, I would focus on the lack of growth opportunities.

My fourth question: Is it kosher to ask my manager for a recommendation? Does it matter at all that I already have a recommendation from my first boss at the company, who left partway through my contract? What about the fact that this manager is temporary and will revert to a non-management position some time after I leave?

Yes to all four questions.

You want more than that? Okay, first, yes, that's a great explanation to give. Understandable, doesn't insult them, and leaves the door open for returning at some future point as long as you can explain why what you're looking for has changed. Frankly, you could even tell them now that you'd be open to that -- "I think you're a great company to work for and I'd love to come back someday after I've had other experiences."

Second, on the timetable for telling them: I'd tell them as soon as you've made up your mind, assuming you don't risk them shortening your time with them as a result. If your only reason for stalling is that you want them to believe you've given it enough consideration -- I think you're overthinking it a bit there. They just want an answer so they can plan.

Third, yes, it's a fine explanation to give to prospective future employers -- as long as they have variety and senior employees, the two things you said the offer lacks. You don't want them thinking, "Hmmm, we don't have a ton of variety, so will he be dissatisfied here?" Make sure to explain to them why they don't need to worry about that.

And fourth, yes, if the manager can speak to your work and will say glowing things about you, definitely ask if she'll be a reference for you. It doesn't matter that she'll later revert to a non-management position; companies will care about the fact that she managed your work at the time you were there, which is what matters.

Good luck!

offer never materialized

A reader writes:

I have worked for the last five years as a non-traditional, part-time student assistant at a campus job while working on my "four year" undergraduate degree. The very unofficial title I’ve earned over the years is "media guy"; I transfer nearly century old films and audio items to digital, more accessible mediums for students and researchers. I don’t actually have a degree in these areas, but many archives utilize people with life experience in these areas, rather than only degreed archivists with no or little real world experience with these items.

Between my second and fourth years there, both our director and our office manager repeatedly suggested that I would be a great addition to their staff after graduation, to the point where our director even threw out hypothetical salary figures on several occasions. With graduation growing close, I asked our director about the specific details of this position. He got very nervous, and said that he wasn’t sure how soon or even if he could create a position. He then asked me how many weeks it would take for me to TRAIN SOMEONE ELSE to do all of the things that it took me years to teach myself while in this position. Later that day, when an employee confronted our director about this situation, his response was that he "never PROMISED me a job there."

Despite these events, and against my better judgment, I stayed on the job to complete some ongoing projects that I didn’t want to leave unfinished. My part-time contract has been extended until December, yet they are starting to outsource projects that had previously been discussed with me. They are also interviewing student assistants with more media-based backgrounds. They haven’t found anyone (yet) with the diverse knowledge and experience that I have with these different tasks and items, but they seem to be trying.

The strange thing is that if this was a retail position, I would have had no problem telling my boss that he was a liar and then just moved on to another job. But I fear that I won’t find another position somewhere that allows me access to such interesting and historical items. Does it sound like I should even try to secure a position there? Any thoughts?

It sounds like your director is not a very good manager (or handler of sticky conversations), but I'm not sure he's a liar.

It sounds like your director realized that he can't create a new staff position for you, even though he had hoped to be able to. Since he seemed very happy with your work, this is presumably due to there being no money in his budget for it, or someone above him nixing the idea. In and of itself, that's not his fault -- it's true that he never made you a promise, and it's not unusual to talk with good student workers about the possibility of further employment without knowing for sure that it will pan out. (As a general rule, don't rely on any job prospect until an actual offer is made.)

However, he is handling it badly. When he realized that there wasn't going to be a new position, he should have told you forthrightly, saying something like: "You've been a tremendous asset to us and I wish we were able to create a position for you. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to make that happen, so I know we're going to lose you when you graduate. Since graduation is getting close, let's talk soon about the transition and figure out what the training process should be for the next student. Meanwhile, I hope I can help you in your job search."

He skipped delivering the hard part of this news, and as a result, he's generated bad feelings and destroyed your loyalty. Had he been straightforward with you, you likely would have been disappointed but understood, and presumably would have happily helped train the next student before graduating. I recommend that you still approach it that way, since if it's handled amicably, your director and other coworkers may be fruitful sources of job leads, contacts, and recommendations.

how long should an offer take?

A reader writes:

I went on my first interview at a state university three weeks ago, second interview was two weeks ago. I never head back so last week I called and was told that they would be checking my references this week. I know that my current boss was contacted today and I'm just really tired of waiting! I've read that you should stay in touch, making contact at least once a week and am wondering if you can give me any insight into the decision making process. What is taking so long? And what is a reasonable amount of time to expect to wait for an offer? I have another interview with a different company scheduled for tomorrow and would really prefer the job I've already interviewed for but don't want to put all my eggs in one basket?!?! I plan to send an email this week to let them know I'm still interested and is it acceptable to ask where they are in the decision process?

This is the part where you relax and enjoy. Easier said than done, I know, but the fact that they've called your boss for a reference is an excellent sign. Practices vary, but I for one don't bother checking references until I've chosen a candidate -- or, occasionally, when I'm having trouble deciding between two candidates. An offer is likely forthcoming.

To answer your question about what's taking so long, if your interview was two weeks ago, that actually isn't that long. They likely had other interviews to finish after yours, so let's say that ate up a week or even more. Then we can assume they spent some time discussing and considering candidates. Then, depending on the company, there may be an array of paperwork to fill out before things can move forward. Plus it's summer, so there's a higher chance someone's vacation schedule is getting in the way. Personally, I like to move fast when I find the candidate I want, but I have the luxury of working somewhere with very little paperwork; plenty of companies take a lot longer. So I'm not alarmed to hear it's been two weeks. You should just sit tight.

However, regarding your question about how long you should wait: It's perfectly acceptable to contact them and ask for an idea about their timeline. Reiterate your interest your interest at the same time. Meanwhile, continue interviewing -- and if you reach a point where you suspect you're going to get an offer from another company, it's completely fine to tell the first company that you're expecting another offer but they're your first choice and ask if there's any way they can work with you on the timeline.

Good luck!