job searching: when does persistence become stalking?

A reader writes:

Let's do a mirrored image of your posting on an applicant missing a phone interview. Let's say the prospective employer called me and wanted to set up an interview for either that day or a couple of days down the road. Then they explained that they needed to make sure the hiring manager was going to be available and would contact me when they had more info.

Great! However, since that point this prospective employer has disappeared! NO return phone calls, no letters, nothing. I have called back 3 times now. Once to find out if anything had been set up (got voicemail), next to leave cell number (was not sure if I had the first time) and the next scheduled day to meet this person to once again express my interest and ask them to call to schedule a time stating that I was once again dedicating my whole day to wait for a call from them.

Is this “pushing the envelope” and am I coming off desperate or pushy? I am stating things like, "I have researched your company and feel that I would be a good fit for the position."

I simply want to know do I dare call again? Or would it be out of line for me to drive to the company and do a personal introduction and ask if they have the time to see me now? (The company is less than 2 miles from my house.)

I have heard wonderful things about this company and would just like a shot at proving myself. I have had a few bad years with employment but have stayed constantly employed and am hoping that that is not one of the reasons they are not contacting me.

Do not drive to the company.

This company is being rude. If you call a candidate to propose an interview and say you'll get back to them about scheduling, you get back to them. Period. Even if it's to say, "I'm sorry, but we've just filled the position" or "the hiring manager didn't feel your experience was the right match," or whatever. You do not leave the person hanging. And for the love of god, if the candidate is calling and asking what's going on, you don't ignore them.

But of course companies do.

I know I like to rant about interviewing and hiring being like dating, but this is another example of it. It's rude to tell a date you'll call and then not, and it's rude (actually much ruder) to blow off a job candidate like that.

However. Just like if you were calling a prospective date and leaving messages expressing interest but getting no return call, you need to take silence as lack of interest. Just like you wouldn't drive over to a girl's house and ask her out in person if you couldn't get her to call you back, you can't show up at this company's office in person.

Either there is a reason they haven't contacted you yet or they are blowing you off. (There is a small chance they will contact you in the future. They said they'd contact you when they had more info, so maybe they don't have that info yet.) Do not stalk them.

And do not tell them you're devoting your whole day to waiting for their call! Not to be all "The Rules" on you (do people still know that horrible book?), but that's way too available -- it's unreasonable to spend your whole day waiting for the call of anyone, unless the call relates to the health of a friend or family member, and certainly not in a situation where you don't even know if they're available or interested in calling you that day. (If I'm in meetings all day and it's impossible for me to call someone back -- or if I were on vacation or something -- I would be annoyed and a little taken aback to find a message telling me the person was building their entire day around the expectation of my phone call, which I never promised to make that day.)

The important point is this: You have expressed interest. They know how to reach you. Now there's nothing more you should do other than sitting back and seeing what, if anything, happens. Remember: As with dating, you do not want someone who does not want you.