how to deal with a coworker being fired

A reader writes:

How do you deal with it when a coworker is fired? Today I was talking with my coworker and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. He went into a meeting with our boss, and next thing I knew he was gone, and an E-mail was sent to the whole department saying that as of today he no longer works here. I don't know what happened, but it surprised me, worried me, and made me nervous about my job.

Want to read the rest of this post? Head on over to U.S. News & World Report, where I answer this question -- and please leave your own feedback in the comments there.

how to fire someone

The first time I had to fire someone, I had no training and no guidance. I remember scouring the Internet looking for tips. Since then, unfortunately, I've become more experienced in it than I'd like to be.

Over at U.S. News & World Report today, I offer six key principles to keep in mind if you have to fire someone. Please check it out and leave your own thoughts in the comments section over there.

how to determine severance when firing an employee

A reader writes:

I have just finished reading what you've written on how to fire an employee. Excellent advice. I do have one question. The employee who will soon be “let go” has certainly had many chances to improve, been given objectives and not met them, etc. However, because this person is still human, has a family, is the bread winner, I do not feel right just severing the ties without some sort of departure package. I do have to take into consideration that this person was an under-performer who had plenty of chances and did cost many other employees a lot of time.

Can you make a recommendation as to what I could do as far as pay, if any? We operate based on the hire date so all of the sick time and and vacation time has been used so I can’t use that to “pay out.” Would I just pay two weeks salary and wish them well? Any suggestions, recommendations, words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated at this point. By the way if it is any help, we are a work at will state that has no requirements with the exception of the standards like COBRA.

There's a wide range of standard practice here -- some companies give no severance when someone is fired for cause, some give a couple of weeks, and some are more generous. In deciding what you'll do in this case, here are some questions to consider:

- What precedent, if any, has your company set in similar situations? Legally you're on safer ground if you don't violate an existing precedent (unless you're more generous than that precedent and willing to do that in similar situations in the future).

- How much warning has the person had? Have they had the chance to see the writing on the wall and start job-hunting? Or are they likely facing a long job search that they haven't had any notice to start yet?

- Are you worried about the employee retaliating in some way, such as through (hopefully frivolous) legal action? If so, severance can be a good incentive for him not to do that -- since to receive severance, employees typically have to sign a general release, releasing the company from any future claims.

- What can you afford to do? This is the biggest one. I tend to think that if you can afford to be generous, you should be. (Without knowing factors like the length of employment and nature of the problems, I'd consider two weeks' pay to be reasonable and one month or more to be generous. I'd also consider zero to be defensible in many circumstances.) If you can afford to be generous, it's the compassionate thing to do.

Advice from anyone else?

job-searching after being let go

A reader writes:

August 29, 2008 - After working for this IT services company for 2.5 years, I was taken into the boss's office and told that the money was bad and business was scarce. My boss cut me from 40 hours per week down to 20 hours per week to save the company money. He stated that he didn't want to get so bad that he had to shut the doors of the business.

September 24, 2008 - Heard from the accounting/office manager of the business that the company is not doing any better and that the boss had to use funds from his personal account to cover the business taxes.

September 25, 2008 - My boss took me into his office and stated that I made a typographical error and that he was going to let me go.

I felt that he let me go due to the business lacking in funds to cover me on the payroll; however had to come up with a lame excuse to fire me. Please understand my former boss has no people skills and likes to bark commands instead of talk to you like you are a human. In the 9 years that the business was open, my position was the one with the highest turnover. In the 9 years of operation I was number 34 to sit in that seat.

How should I address this on my application and in interviews so that I don't have a hard time finding a job in the future?

I'm not sure that you were fired. As you point out, it sounds like a layoff (which are financially based). You can find out for sure this way: Did the company rehire for your position, or are they leaving it vacant? If the position no longer exists, your position was eliminated, which is often the definition of a layoff.

Now, is it possible that your boss genuinely fired you for cause and then later decided not to refill the position for financial reasons? Sure, absolutely. But given the context that you've laid out here, I'd be skeptical.

If future employers ask why you left, I'd simply explain that the business was in extreme financial trouble, your hours were cut in half, and the boss was using his personal money to pay business taxes. Given the economy right now, most people's brains are going to fill in the rest on their own and move on to the next question. However, some interviewers may specifically ask, "Were you laid off or did you leave voluntarily?" so I'd find some wording that implies you were laid off without outright lying about what your boss said.

Of course, the best thing you could do would be to get the company to agree to consider your departure a layoff (if indeed they didn't refill the position). Assuming they've eliminated the position, you can call your old boss and ask if he'd be willing to call your departure a layoff rather than a firing for future reference calls. It's at least worth a shot -- the worst that can happen is that he'll say no. If there's an HR department, start with them; they may be able to advocate for you with your boss. And actually, even if the company did refill your position and it wasn't a layoff, you should still try this approach; see this post for more details on how to do it. Good luck!

why poor performers don't get fired

Almost everyone has had the experience of working alongside someone who is a chronically poor performer—and then puzzling over the question of why nothing is being done about it. Today at U.S. News & World Report, I explore the reasons why. Please check it out, comment, etc.!

5 signs you're about to be fired

It's always baffling to me how many people don't realize when they're in danger of being fired, even when the signs are all there. When it finally happens, they're stunned and seem never to have seen it coming. Over at U.S. News & World Report today, I give five signs that your job might be in danger. Check it out.

answering "have you ever been fired?" in an interview

A reader writes:

I was in a job interview the other day and everything was going well, until I was asked if I had ever been fired, and if so what were the reasons. Having never been asked that question before, my initial reaction was to feel that my privacy was being invaded and that this was an inappropriate question. Additionally, I was asked to sign a statement that I had not answered this question honestly, or it would be used as a reason for dismissal.

Since that interview, I have learned that this is a common question. The idea behind that question is that whatever happened before will happen again. (This was also said in the interview and not "may," but "will.")

I was indeed fired from a job about 10 years ago. I did the job well, I contributed to the organization, but my relationship with my supervisor was not good (this really can happen). Since then I ensure that I do both -- I do the job well and work at my working relationships.

So my question is, how can I answer this question honestly? Is it a trick question?

It's not a trick question. It's exactly what it seems to be -- a genuine desire to know if you have ever been fired before and, if so, why. If you put yourself in the employer's shoes, you'll probably understand why an interviewer would want to know this. It's not that no one who has been fired could ever be the right fit at a different job -- but it certainly does provide useful information about problems that the candidate has run into in the past (even if only personality conflicts). And perhaps most importantly, there's a lot to be gleaned from the way the candidate discusses it now. Do they just seem bitter and angry about it? Have they learned from the experience? How has it changed how they conduct business? And so forth.

It's hard to tell you how you yourself should answer this question without knowing more specifics, but one option might be talking about how you ended up in that situation, what you learned from it, and what you do differently now as a result.

what to do if you think you're about to get fired

Often, when someone is having serious performance issues and in danger of losing their job, they simply do...nothing. But if you're getting signals that your job may be in jeopardy, doing nothing is about the worst thing you can do. At U.S. News & World Report today, I talk about some ways to take control of the situation and turn it into something more manageable. Please check it out, and as always please leave your own thoughts in the comments over there!

stupid lawsuits: fired for refusing to get boss coffee

Jezebel reports today on the case of receptionist/data entry clerk Tamara Klopfenstein:

After working for a few weeks, her (male) bosses asked her to get their coffee for them. She declined, and her manager e-mailed her, saying: "This is not open for debate. Please don’t make an easy task a big deal." Klopfenstein felt that getting coffee "reinforced outdated gender stereotypes," so the next day, when she was asked to get coffee again, she sent an e-mail that read: "I don't expect to serve and wait on you by making and serving you coffee every day." Nine minutes later, she was fired. Klopfenstein promptly sued the company for sexual discrimination and sexual harassment. The judge ruled: "The act of getting coffee is not, by itself, a gender-specific act," and dismissed the case. But Klopfenstein's attorneys argue that "Some tasks are inherently more offensive to women."

Seriously? So are her lawyers arguing that asking a male receptionist to get coffee would be okay, but it's not okay if she's a woman?

I don't want anyone fetching me coffee. And in fact, I sometimes bring my staff coffee. But if I asked someone to do a task that could reasonably fall in their purview (and like it or not, getting coffee isn't crazy for a receptionist), after having already had to talk to them about it once, and they replied with Klopfenstein's snippy email, I'd think about firing them too. And who says something that attitude-laden three weeks on the job?

(Although to be more precise, I wouldn't fire the person on the spot. I'd warn them and explain my expectations and what sorts of responses are and aren't acceptable, and I'd find out if the person was interested in working under those conditions. Still, I can understand why they fired her immediately -- she demonstrated an attitude problem that was unlikely to go away.)

And I am a woman, if that matters, which it doesn't.

confession: I used to suck at firing people

This is a weird thing to admit, but I think I'm pretty good at firing people. I've written in the past about how I think firing should be done, but I'm not here to brag about this (if indeed it's socially acceptable to brag about such a thing, which I'm pretty sure it's not) ... I'm here to confess my secret shame, which is that the first time I had to do it, I was a disaster and totally oblivious to the advice that I now chant like some sort of weird mantra to other managers.

At the time, I was a relatively new manager, and when I took the position, I inherited a problem employee: painfully slow, constantly made mistakes that were seeding the database he worked on with tons of land mines, impervious to help, a general mess. Rather than addressing it straightforwardly with him like one obviously should do, I did what lots of inexperienced managers do: I handled him way too gingerly. I made "suggestions" and expressed concerns, but never did I tell him directly that the problems were so serious that he would be fired if his work didn't improve. I was vague. I thought I was choosing the kinder option, protecting his feelings, which of course was ridiculous -- there's nothing kind about denying someone the opportunity to know they're on the path to job loss.

Inevitably, I ended up having to fire him -- and because of my vagueness leading up to it, he was genuinely shocked, said he hadn't seen it coming, even cried. I hadn't been so kind, it turned out.

And that's not all. A couple of months later he sued, claiming I had fired him because he had Crohn's Disease, which would have been a violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act if it were true. I was baffled -- I knew he'd been fired for poor performance and that the fact that he had a disability was irrelevant (and indeed, we ultimately won the suit). But by not being direct enough about how bad his performance was, I had opened the door to him speculating on what the cause might have been. I could have avoided a months-long legal mess (as well as his legitimate bewilderment) by just getting over my own discomfort and telling him forthrightly the ways in which his performance was unsatisfactory. I put my own comfort ahead of managing well, and as a result, I exposed my company to legal jeopardy and left an employee completely dumbfounded about why he was let go.

Years later, I'm still cringing when I think about how my inexperience and misplaced desire to be nice made me a nightmare manager for that guy. These days, my employees who struggle hear about it -- and some of them take the warnings and improve and some of them don't, but none of them have been surprised by bad news since.

reader stumps me

A reader writes:

I have read all of the articles about what to say in an interview when you are asked about being fired, but none of these answers fit. The problem is that most answers are based on explaining why the job wasn’t a good fit or the reorganization of the company resulted in a termination, etc. The problem is this, what if you are fired by a previous manager? I was working in one department for the company and held this position for five years. During the course of these five years I had a change in managers three times. The first two have only good things to say about my work. The third gave me two evaluations, both very positive. When I put in for a transfer to a different department, she did not want to sign the paper allowing the change because no one, including her, knew what was required to do my job day to day. I agreed to stay in the department an extra 6 weeks to train one of the other supervisors, I also being a supervisor.

Approximately three months into my new position, I was called into HR and told I was fired for not performing my job duties adequately in my previous job. After I left, no one was picking up my job duties, which included paying tickets to court systems. After a couple months, collection notices started coming in. When my previous manager was confronted, she stated that the collection notices were because I didn’t do my job, even though I could show that this took place after I changed departments. My new boss was never told that I was being fired and was quite angry when he found out. I know my new boss will give me a good recommendation, as will the 2 first managers I had in the old position. But how do I explain being fired from a previous boss in an interview, if they ask, without sounding like I’m complaining about her blaming me for something I had no involvement in? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Wow. That company is seriously screwed up. They let someone who wasn't your current manager fire you over the objections of your current manager (or without even telling your current manager first, it sounds like)? That is ridiculous. As for the old manager's reason: Well, it's her job to ensure that new employees are trained thoroughly and work is getting done -- not the responsibility of an employee no longer in that department. Honestly, I am fuming about this.

I am also stumped about the best way to explain this to prospective employers in the future. As you know, you don't want to sound negative about the old employer, but it would be very difficult to find an honest way of framing this that doesn't sound negative because their behavior was so crappy. If I were in your shoes, I think I'd end up saying something like, "I worked for the company for five years and had excellent evaluations from two managers (who I can put you in touch with), but three months after I was promoted to a new position, the manager from the old position became upset that my replacement in the old job was letting things slip through the cracks and I guess thought I hadn't trained her sufficiently. I had stayed in that job an extra six weeks to train her, and my other bosses can speak to my effectiveness." But I'm not totally happy with that response, so I'm sending out a plea for help from readers: How would you frame this? How would you want to hear a job applicant frame it?

explaining a firing when interviewing

A reader writes:

A few months ago, I was asked to resign from a management position. I’ve begun consulting on my own, but still find it difficult to explain how and why I left that last job. I’m not without fault in being asked to resign, but I believe that my boss long hoped I would and was trying to push me in that direction. That may sound paranoid or delusional on my part, but there are some facts that support me.

For nearly two years, I was working sixty to eighty hours each week and sometimes seven days a week. Despite the hours I worked, I let some things slip and took too long to complete some other projects. The stress I felt also contributed to my making some bad decisions. I spoke many times to my boss about my schedule, time management, and the need for assistance. In response, he would tell me that I wasn’t managing my time well, and that the stress and problems were due to my own shortcomings. I believe now that I should have resigned earlier on my own terms, but there were many things about the company that I liked.

About a month before I was asked to resign, I was finally given an assistant, but only for five hours each week. In the two weeks before the resignation, I made two errors which my boss said caused him to lose all trust in me. I take responsibility for the mistakes I made, but what happened after I left most disturbs me. When my boss hired my replacement, he gave that person a new assistant for thirty hours each week. Recently, the assistant was made full time. In short, two people are now doing the job that I was told I should have been able to handle. I honestly believe that if I had been given that support, I would have accomplished more with fewer errors and much less stress.

I’m not trying to avoid admitting any errors that led to my termination, but I would like to be able to explain the situation without placing all the blame on myself. If I speak negatively about my former boss or the company however, I believe that also reflects badly on me. Given these circumstances, how might I best explain why I left the job?

Before I get to your question, let me say this: You're likely in no mood to look on the bright side, but it does sound like this job wasn't a good fit for you and it's good that you're out of it. Whether the problem was that the company had unrealistic expectations or that your work style simply didn't match their needs is sort of beside the point; what matters is that the fit was off. So in the long run, getting away from there (regardless of how that separation came about) is a good thing.

Now, on to your question. Your instincts about not speaking ill of your boss or the company are right on track; even if a candidate is 100% right in his or her criticism of a former boss, it never comes across well. I would start with something like, "The workload was very high and the company wasn't able to hire another person to help at that point. However, since I left, the position has been turned into two full-time positions in recognition of the workload." If they push and specifically ask if you were terminated, be honest -- but explain what you've learned from the situation. For instance, you might say, "The workload ended up getting the better of me. I generally worked 60-80 hours a week to try to stay on top of everything, but I did end up making some mistakes because of the sheer volume. What I've realized since then is that I need to communicate better with my boss when workload is a problem and figure out ways to we're on the same page about priorities if we're in a triage mode."

Good luck!

should you say you were fired?

A reader writes:

I worked successfully for a year as a "software designer," but really acted as a project manager/technical writer. After a year, the entire department was shuffled (all but one of the supervisors left), my job duties were switched to actual software design, and I was made responsible for all sorts of technical things I really wasn't qualified to be making decisions on yet. I knew I was floundering, and so did my brand new supervisor, but nothing was explicitly communicated and before the quarter was out, I was terminated.

I know I can explain to a potential employer that I was a successful project manager and tech writer at my old position, and my old supervisor has agreed to be a reference for me, as I'm aiming for tech writing and administrative positions now. But -- how do I get to an interview when job applications ask for the reason for leaving my previous job? I've read that I should avoid using negative language like "fired" or "terminated" and should instead say something that sounds neutral, like "involuntary separation."

I think that sounds like a terrible idea. I've heard that "Will explain in interview" is just as bad.

Is a cover letter a good place to explain my situation? Or should I not bring it up at all, as that might rule me out from the get-go? What do you think? What would cause you to give a terminee a shot?

(I am operating with the understanding that the process usually goes as follows: send resume/cover letter, fill out job application, attend series of interviews....) Thanks for any advice you can sling my way!

A good way to explain this is to say that the entire department was reorganized and you left soon after that. You don't need to explicitly say that you were terminated unless they specifically ask if you were. And if they do, it's okay to say, "As part of the reorganization, the company moved me from project management and tech writing to software design, which is definitely not my strength, so we ended up mutually agreeing it didn't make sense for me." And if they push further and demand to know if it was a firing or not, you can acknowledge that it was, but put a good spin on it -- "I'd fire myself too, at software design; it's not what I do, and I agreed with the decision!" However, many (if not most) interviews won't even get to that -- you'll explain that there was a reorganization, and many interviewers won't question it further.

So basically, you wait to see if you even need to get into it. Definitely don't talk about it in the cover letter or volunteer the info, because you might be able to get away with avoiding it altogether. If you need to fill out an application that asks your reason for leaving the job, simply write "reorganization" (assuming that happened close enough to the time of your departure -- like, within a few months that it's reasonably true).

Good luck!

Incompetent people may have no idea

A fascinating Cornell University study a few years ago found that people who are incompetent tend to dramatically overestimate their own competence, and people who truly are quite competent tend to underestimate their own performance.

This makes a certain sense: After all, if you're incompetent, you're inherently more likely not to be able to competently self-assess (or assess the people you're comparing yourself to). As the researchers write, "Not only do they reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices, but their incompetence robs them of the ability to realize it."

And if you're competent, you tend to assume others are performing at a similar level to you (since you can't imagine why they wouldn't be), and plus, part of competence is being aware of your own shortcomings.

This study has interesting implications for managers. For one, it reinforces the idea that you must be explicit with employees who aren't meeting your expectations -- particularly about the severity of the problem and what the possible consequences could be. All too often, managers assume that employees surely must know they are in danger of being fired, given all the warnings and serious talks being directed their way, and so they don't bother to spell it out ... and then the employee is shocked when he or she gets fired. The manager is baffled by this surprise, since the person should have seen it coming.

I suspect that many low performers are used to hearing negative feedback from bosses and thus don't process it as a danger sign. So managers should commit to saying the words, "I must warn you that your job is in jeopardy if you don't improve." Don't assume the person should know. If they're as incompetent as you worry they are, there's a good chance they have no idea.

was I ready for a career leap?

A reader writes:

After spending about a year in a post-college entry-level position, I was recently terminated from a new job that I'd hoped was going to be a major step forward in my career. (We're talking a nearly 35 percent pay raise and an operation three or four times bigger than where I started.)

I'll spare you the gory details, but it will suffice to say that my former bosses admitted that my work ethic had been satisfactory and a lack of effort was not the problem. Rather, there was a discrepancy between the level of guidance I had hoped would support my continued growth and the amount of time my former bosses expected direct supervisors to have to spend actually working with me. At the very least, I'm clear that one of my mistakes was not asking the right questions in the interview process to understand what I was getting myself into.

Nevertheless, my question is what this means going forward. I'm just as confident in my talent as I ever was, but less so in my unseasoned ability to translate that into results. Still, I'm concerned that going back to an entry-level position could set back my career and leave prospective future employers questioning why I couldn't stay on a bigger stage. Should I take the assessment of my former bosses to mean that I need more time to grow in an entry-level position, or should I try to focus on re-acquiring a sort of "second step" job again (better armed with the first experience this time)?

It sounds as though your employer was looking for someone who could step into the job with little training (presumably aside from the usual training specific to the company, which one would give even the most seasoned veteran in his or her first weeks). That's not unusual on its face.

So, the question that naturally arises from your note is: Would a reasonable person considering you for the job have believed that you could step into the job and succeed with only a modicum of training? Would your skills and past experience make this a reasonable proposition, or would a company have to have taken a massive leap of faith to proceed this way?

If the answer is "massive leap of faith," the company owed it to you to say something at the outset like: "We're taking a big leap of faith here. Normally we'd look for someone with more experience in x, y, and z, but we think you have enough potential that you're going to be able to overcome your lack of experience and do well. But because of the experience gap, you're going to need to spend extra time learning the industry and how we do things. Here are some suggestions for where to start." Then you'd know what you were getting into and how much help (if any) you could expect from them. You'd also have the chance to consider whether you even wanted to take a job that was likely to be more than the usual challenge.

Now, if the answer is not "massive leap of faith" and instead a reasonable person would have assumed you would thrive in the job without significant training and guidance (based on your resume and interview), then we have a different situation on our hands. In that case, I'd ask you this: What sorts of things were you looking to your boss for help with? How often? How much time did you need of theirs in an average week? Were you looking for confirmation that your approach was the right one, or were you unsure of what that approach should even be? If you were being asked to make judgment calls in a way that was new to you (likely since you're early in your career), were you simply uncomfortable doing so because that was new ground for you, or were you uncomfortable doing so because you truly felt unqualified to do it? (Please feel free to write back or post in the Comments section if you want to answer any of this slew of questions!)

It's possible you were an extremely conscientious employee who misread the signals your boss was sending you about how autonomous you should be. It's also possible you simply found yourself in a job you weren't quite ready for. In either case, it sounds like you found yourself in a job that required you to exercise more independent judgment than you felt comfortable with.

Here's what I can tell you for sure: Many employers will want you to tackle the job without significant guidance or training (and the ones that will be willing to invest more time in training you should discuss this up front). So when you're interviewing for new positions, this is a great question to explore in the interview. Ask what kind of training they envision, how much autonomy they'd like the person to have, what sort of learning curve they expect, even what kinds of backgrounds their most successful employees have brought to that position in the past. You'll get a good idea of whether you'd be comfortable moving forward.

The fact that you're considering this question bodes well, in my opinion. Good luck!

alternatives to firing

I believe in transitioning out employees who aren't working out, but it doesn't always have to be by firing.

A few years ago, I had an employee whose work was pretty good (although not stellar) but who frequently got frustrated and resentful over several demands of the job, snapped at people, and constantly needed to be talked down from freak-outs.

We had conversation after conversation about his attitude, and nothing changed, so I finally decided to try a different approach -- one that I now think was far more realistic at its core. I told him that I knew he was frustrated by these particular things but that they simply weren't going to change, that they were inherent parts of the job, and that I didn't want us to be constantly battling over them ... and that rather than trying to force himself into a job that obviously was making him frustrated and stressed, I wanted to see him figure out if he could really be happy in the position, knowing that the things he was complaining about weren't going to change. I asked him to take a couple of days and think about whether he wanted the job in its current form (as opposed to the job he kept trying to change it into), and that if he decided it just wasn't for him, there was no shame in that and we'd do everything we could to help him in the transition out.

A couple of days later, he told me that he had thought about it and realized he should move on. We had a really smooth transition over the next month, he trained his replacement, I helped him brainstorm about jobs he'd be happy in, and on his last day he told me that he was shocked that such a potentially awful conversation had actually been pleasant. Since he's been gone, he's stayed in touch, periodically sending me helpful leads and information.

He lives on in my mind as an example of how exasperating situations can work out with all parties happy. The key was taking away any hint of adversariness and genuinely talking honestly with each other.

Marcus Buckingham talks a bit about this in his book First Break All the Rules: What the World's Greatest Managers Do Differently. He points out that bad hires often aren't bad employees because they're stupid, obstinate, or insubordinate but rather because they are "miscast." Making this mental switch can change the entire way you deal with struggling performers, making the entire process much more pleasant for all involved.

how to fire an employee

Firing poor performers is one of the hardest things managers do -- and also one of the most important.

I'll write in the future about how to make the decision to fire someone in the first place, but for now, here are six rules for the termination conversation itself.

Disclaimer: This post doesn't address the legal issues surrounding firings, but obviously you should ensure that any termination you're contemplating doesn't violate federal or state laws ... and if there are sticky issues potentially in play, you should speak to a lawyer in advance.

1. A firing should (almost) never come as a surprise.

Ideally, a firing should be the final installment in a conversation that has been ongoing. The employee has been clearly told about the problems and what needs to change, warned that the progress isn't what it needs to be, and explicitly told that his or her job is in jeopardy if specific changes don't occur. When the termination conversation happens, it's more of a wrap-up than anything else; it shouldn't be a surprise.

There are some offenses so egregious that they warrant firing on the spot, like, say, punching someone. But that's not the case for the vast majority of terminations.

2. Be compassionate.

Acknowledge that this is hard and that you're sorry this is the outcome. Allow your tone and body language to convey compassion. Even if you've been incredibly frustrated with the employee, now that the decision has been made, there's no reason not to allow yourself to feel and express genuine compassion for what's inescapably a horrible outcome for the person.

When at all feasible, try to truly believe this is a case of a bad fit, rather than that the employee is lazy, stupid, obstinate, or difficult. If you go into the meeting with this mindset, it will change the way you come across, helping to defuse the situation and helping the employee keep his or her dignity.

3. Be direct.

Start the conversation off with your decision. Some managers try to ease into the news, thinking it will soften the blow. But then you'll have the employee sitting there thinking they're supposed to be defending themselves, when in fact you're past that point. It's unkind to make the employee think they can sway your opinion if they can't, so let them know up front what decision you've made.

Lead off with something like: "This is a tough conversation to have. When we met several weeks ago, we discussed the fact that if you didn't meet the benchmarks we laid out, we wouldn't be able to keep you on. Unfortunately, although I know you have been trying, we're now at that point and have decided to let you go. I know this is hard, and I want to do whatever I can to make it as easy as possible on you."

4. Don't lie about the reason for the firing.

Sometimes a manager will come up with a "cover story" for the firing, thinking the real reason will hurt the employee's feelings. Sometimes a manager will use a cover story because he or she hasn't been direct enough with the employee about the problems earlier and has avoided tough conversations about performance issues. Now that the person needs to be fired, the manager is in the position of explaining a decision the person had no warning of. (See #1 and don't put yourself in this position, which is tremendously unfair to the employee. If a manager has problems with an employee that the employee doesn't know about, the problem is with the manager.)

Do not under any circumstances lie. You may need to speak about the reason for the firing in the paperwork for the employee's future unemployment claim or even in litigation -- and if what you say doesn't match what the employee was told, it will cause big problems.

5. Keep the conversation relatively short.

Don't enter into a debate. Your decision is final, and while you hope the employee understands it, the time for back-and-forth is over. Let the employee know your decision and then cover logistics, like returning keys and other property, the final paycheck, COBRA, etc.

6. Know you're going to be emotionally drained afterward.

There have been firings I've found easier than others -- firing someone found to have chronically falsified timesheets wasn't especially hard -- but in general, firing someone is always emotionally difficult. It's terrible news to deliver to someone. But being compassionate and treating the employee with respect, fairness, and dignity and knowing that you gave the employee ample warning and opportunity to improve will at least let you know that the meeting was better in your hands than it might have been in someone else's.

What to do if you think you're going to get fired

If you suspect you're in danger of being fired, you don't just need to sit back and worry and wait for it to happen. If you're proactive about addressing it, you have a pretty good chance of making the situation better for yourself. I'm not saying you can magically keep your job, but you might be able to turn a pretty unpleasant situation into something much more manageable.

Start by asking your manager to talk honestly with you. Tell him or her that you know you're not excelling in the position -- or if that's not strictly accurate, that you know he or she isn't happy with your performance -- and ask what you could do to improve. Then -- and this is key -- ask for his or her honest assessment of whether you're likely to be able to make the improvements needed to succeed in the job in the long run.

Maybe you'll get helpful information that you can use to turn things around -- but if instead you get a bleak assessment of your future in that job, this is where there's a hidden opportunity most people don't use.

Say something like, "I appreciate you being candid with me. I wonder if we can make arrangements now to plan for a transition that will be as smooth as possible for both of us. I'm going to go on trying to do a good job, but knowing that you don't believe a positive outcome is likely, it sounds like I should also start looking for a new position. If that's the case, would you be willing to work with me while I conduct a job search? That obviously will help me, and it will give you time to search for a replacement and have a smooth transition, and I can be as involved as you'd like in bringing the new person up to speed."

Many managers are likely to hear this with relief. No one wants to fire an employee if it can be avoided, both for legal reasons and because, for most people, it can be emotionally draining. By making it easy for your employer to end the relationship and offering terms that help you both, you're maximizing the chance that they'll work with you in the way you've proposed. You get some grace time to find a new job, you don't have to explain a termination in future job searches, and you gain more control over the situation than you'd otherwise have.

Disclaimer: There's no guarantee your employer will take you up on this. You know your company culture and your manager best, and you should take those into account before proceeding this way. In some situations, some (not all) companies might respond with, "It sounds like you're resigning, and we'll accept that." So proceed with caution, and let your knowledge of your employer be your guide.